20 years of Christmas

The transition from childhood to adolescence is certainly one that promises no subtlety. Obvious changes occur quickly and often uncomfortably, leaving you well aware of their presence, but some transitions are more gradual and you don't realize the change until it's already complete,
Like Christmas.
I didn't note the first year I was able to sleep through the night without waking from excitement, it wasn't a shock that I started staying up later than my parents on Christmas Eve, and I can't even remember how many years it's been since I'd have preferred a toaster to an action figure. As a kid I'd be shocked as my teenage sisters moaned and groaned when I finally dragged my parents out of bed on Christmas morning. Didn't they understand that it was Christmas? The single most magical day on the planet? I promised myself I would never waver in my Christmas commitment, but I fear I've let little Greg down.
I have to admit though, I have been somewhat aware of this change over the last few years. Spending much of the Christmas season at college was probably one of the major catalysts in this process, introducing finals and cramped dorm rooms into the picture. There was only so much a mini Christmas tree and a strand of lights could do in a room about the size of a shoe box.
The last week before Christmas would leave me in a panic, trying to squeeze any and every holiday activity into my work-laden schedule. By Christmas Eve I'd always plan for a much more involved, strictly regimented Christmas spirit schedule for the next year.

This year I have a kinda different take on the matter. From where I see it, it's easy (not to mention completely wonderful) to look back on previous years and remember a cozy blur of red and green amid perfect snowfalls coupled with a big cup of hot cocoa, but really other stuff was going on then too. There were fights and exams and projects and colds, busy schedules and exhausted parents. For some reason though, Christmas memories always seem to make the good overshadow everything else. I'm getting off track here, but my main point is that Christmas spirit doesn't have to be an all encompassing, full season thing. It's about the little moments that make you think back to earlier years, falling in love with snow all over again, and realizing that sometimes time with family is better than any gift you could get.
My Grandpa was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease a few years ago, and this holiday season has been the first where that's really hit home. He has good and bad days, but recently he's become disoriented more frequently. It's just him and my Grandma in the house they raised four kids in, hours away from the rest of the family, and the other day he didn't know who my Grandma was. She called my aunt crying, saying that she just knew it would be his last Christmas. While opening presents today he got a framed picture of my cousins and could only remember one of their names. He's always been an independent man and you can tell that this is incredibly hard on him. He put the picture down and said that while his memory wasn't so good with names, that didn't mean he didn't love any of us any less.
It scares me to be going abroad at a time where his health is so questionable, but also made me much more aware of how my family interactions have shifted. Christmas in previous years would always mean getting to the house and running past the adults to my cousins so we could sneak cookies and play games until present time. We'd grudgingly partake in a toast and squirm through home videos and tear at our packages without looking at names. With this year's celebration fresh in my memory, the differences are startling. My uncle put in a video of Christmas a few years ago, and I'm so glad I looked around the room because I haven't seen my Grandpa smile that wide in months. The toast to a Merry Christmas and insistence of 'clinking' every glass has become endearing rather than annoying, and I'm in no rush to dart off to the TV anymore as soon as I finish with my gifts.

Overall, all you can do is take whatever little things you can from the season. Don't take family time for granted, spend some time by the Christmas tree and if you've got somebody special, kiss 'em under the mistletoe with all the Christmas spirit you've got.
So yeah, the way I see Christmas has changed, but in all honesty I wouldn't have it any other way.